Please allow me to introduce myself. As a disclaimer, I should mention that since I am sliding slowly but surely into the classic mid-life crisis and the early stages of dementia, I will probably lie a lot.

• Species: Homo sapiens sapiens (See – I lied already.)

• Eye color: Crap brown.

• Hair color: Was blonde. Once. Currently sun-glare prone.

• Favorite Food: Is there anything you can’t do with pasta?

• Occupation: Research analyst, amateur historian and writer. (I never get invited to parties.)

• Point of origin: I’m told it was a couch, 1960s pattern emerald green.

• Education: Whatever it is that 15 years of debt buys you.

• Favorite Furniture Style: Arts & Crafts movement, early 20th century.

• Weight: The standard, healthy weight for a trim adult male 17 feet tall.

• Favorite music: Anything interesting, not involving bubble gum, honk or tonk.

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